Every person has a different way of expressing their love. One of the building blocks of a relationship is to stop judging your partner or spouse for their actions, but rather, understand the intentions behind their actions.
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Instead of focusing on a person’s actions, focus on their intentions, Mahatria says. Your partner may not express love the way you expect it, yet, that does not mean that there isn’t love in the relationship. For instance, one partner in the relationship may expect romance and hand-holding. The other partner may not know how to express their love in that manner. For a person who has grown up thinking that love needs to be expressed in private will not be able to show it in public in a matter of months. They are simply unaccustomed to demonstrative love. Notice the love in the intentions, Mahatria says.
One of the building blocks of a relationship is to stop judging your partner or spouse for their actions, but rather, understand the intentions behind their actions.
Past Conditioning About two months into his marriage, it was time for Diwali. Mahatria recounts a story from his initial days to demonstrate how people from different backgrounds have different expressions of love.
On his way back from office one day, Mahatria bought his own Diwali clothes. This is the practice he was used to since childhood, he explains. His father would give him an allowance and ask him to go and buy whatever he pleased.
His wife, on the other hand, was used to going out shopping with her entire family. This is something he was not aware of. Life does not come with a trailer of the past, Mahatria points out.
When he returned home with his purchase, his wife was livid. She refused to let him inside the house. At that moment, he failed to understand why she was so upset. Eventually, he learnt how her family circumstances dictated her expectation of love. In her household, the entire family would go out shopping together. Naturally, she expected him to go shopping with her.
Love is in the Intention Mahatria clarifies that he did love his wife. However, he did not know how to love her the way she wanted to be loved. She expected participation, he needed space and freedom. In an attempt to impose what you do or what you like on the other, you may often end up distancing yourself from each other, Mahatria points out. You may also end up threatening the relationship. Instead of measuring your significant other’s love for you through what they do or do not do, divert your attention to their intentions, Mahatria advices.
